Monday, August 31, 2009

Three completely unrelated observations

1. A security guard walks down the hall outside my office. I hear the buzz of his two-way radio, signalling an incoming message. I stop typing away at my computer, look up from my desk and tilt my head to hear the communiqué. Surely it’s something juicy, mysterious – a breach of security, perhaps, or a suspicious character lurking in the bushes outside. “There’s cake in the kitchen,” comes the muffled voice. “Cake in the kitchen,” he repeats amidst the static. And by the time I reach the door of my office to look out into the hall, the security guard has disappeared. No doubt hot on the trail of cake.

2. I am driving home when a glow sign catches my eye: SELF-SERVE DOG WASH. Really? I cannot wait to see the dogs line up, clutching their shampoo and waiting for a free shower.

3. When my doctor’s office puts callers on hold, they play the elevator music version of Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond over and over. They’ve been doing this for years (quite possibly since the elevator version of Sweet Caroline was first released). Can this be good for anyone’s health?


  1. Oh dear! They sing "Sweet Caroline" at every Red Sox game too. I don't which is worse.

  2. Woodlawn Medical Clinic. And it's on a 20-second loop, or so. I can hear it now in my brain.

  3. I also had a similar security story. I was waiting in the QE2 emergency and security was a buzz, they radioed to tell the other security guard to come down in 20 minutes. Then two police officers started to back and forth between the emergency room and the parking lot.

    So I'm wondering if the room will be locked down,maybe Jimmy Melvin has been shot again, or a prisoner has been shived. Then the radio crackled "Pizza is here" and the pizza guy gets escorted directly into the ER by the police and security. Stephen.